Tuesday, February 4, 2014

When spontaneity goes out the window

Sorry, dear reader, for the delay in posts, but when wrestling season and the holidays hit our home, I really can't focus on much else. I'm finally beginning to get back to a "normal" schedule and finally having some extra time to devote to this blog. Plus, the fact that I haven't been able to go to sleep for the last 20 minutes means I need to get up and do something. ;)
First a little disclaimer to this post. I have never used or wanted to use the pill or any form of contraception. If I didn't want to use NFP, it means I just wanted to "wing it". Also, I'm talking about times when we have prayerfully discerned that we needed to avoid a pregnancy for a serious reason.

 Excuses, excuses. I had many excuses for not wanting to use NFP and this could be one of the lamest, but also one of the most important to me. You see, I wanted to have sex whenever we were "in the mood", or better yet, when I was in the mood. But that meant we had to be spontaneous about having sex. I also thought that if we weren't spontaneous, we would be having a whole lot less of sex. I just didn't think we could do that.

And it's true, about 10 days of the month, Jeff and I have to abstain, but ironically, this has not affected our spontaneity. In fact, I would say our sex life has flourished because of NFP.

First of all, we have a whole lot MORE sex using NFP. Say what?!?!? We just took one third of the month away and now we have more? The math doesn't add up. It may not be as spread out and even throughout the month, but before using NFP, I thought I was being a "good" wife if we had sex once a week. With NFP, we have at least doubled the amount and the reason is simple. During phase 1 (before the fertile stage) if I know that tonight might be the last night we can have sex for 10 days, I get "in the mood" pretty quick. But if the next night is still a green-light night, then we just had sex 2 nights in a row (btw, if this is tmi for you, then you're probably reading the wrong blog...ha ha!) and so on, until I hit phase 2 and become fertile. Now, for most women, our fertile stage is when we are most attracted to our husbands and so waiting for 10 days while thinking about how wonderful and handsome and funny and attractive and caring and hot my husband is, makes me raring to go by the time phase 3 comes and that lingers for several days. Not to mention, that whenever we deny ourselves something, we realize how much we really enjoy it and look forward to the time when we get it again.

Sometimes I laugh at how much I didn't want to let go of our spontaneity because my sex life is so much better now. The spontaneity that I thought we had was pretty sad to what we have now. Half the time, I became "spontaneous" just because I knew we hadn't had sex in about a week and it was probably my wife-ly duty to make love to him. And now, I can hardly remember the last time that I was having sex just because I felt I owed it to him. I feel so much more on the same page as him and our sex has become something for us to show each other how much we love each other, not to mention the graces we receive from re-consummating our marriage. If you need a different out look on sex and how beautiful and holy it really is, you should check out the book, "Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving" by Gregory Popcak. I know I mentioned it before, but the more I read it (yes...I'm still trying to finish it), the more my eyes our open to what God intended sex to be and the more I realize how united Jeff and I are through our sexual union.

So, all I'm really trying to say is give NFP a try...I bet you'll be surprised. And if NFP can take one third away and then times it by two to give me more, I wish I could find it's counterpart for my hours of sleep. Oh! think how many more blog posts I could write with all that time. :)